Of course I remember you - a beautiful face like yours never leaves my mind with much haste but alas, I have come to realise that not all beautiful faces can progress past being friends. Attraction is a natural thing, especially when you factor in my wonky eye and my tendency to bark at Dads (Especially if they have beards/wear a hat). I hear that girls like a guy who's not scared to stand up for himself and rebel just a little bit and scars are cool. Have you seen the scar under my eye from that time I took on a much bigger dog? Probably not, because I have a lot of hair, but it's there...
Anyway, I'm getting off track. It's not fair to lead you on like this and flirt with you, as much as I really love your bulbous eyes and that snorting breathing that you do - especially when you get excited.
Age is no barrier, dearest Bella... But Dora. Well, she is. You see, Dora and I are... Well, I'm not sure what we are seeing as she doesn't return my pee mails and runs away when I approach her. But we're patching things up, rekindling our diminished love, and hopefully getting back on track. I tried to sniff her butt the other day and she lifted her leg for me. Maybe she's just been playing hard to get but oh, I can't resist her and that gorgeously smushed in face of hers.
Unrequited love is probably the most wasted feeling I can imagine. Well, that and feeling full after eating not nearly enough delicious bacon - why can't we just eat and love to our heart's content? But you need to move on, Bella, because it is what it is. Find a man who can give you all of the attention and love you deserve. A man who can sniff your butt on those cold winter evenings and frolic on the beach with you through the warmer summer months.
Besides, I'm terrible at long distance relationships. I couldn't possibly pee on you mum and dad's letterbox from all the way over here.
Let's be friends?