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Wednesday 23 October 2013

Ask Digby - From Bella the Pug!

Hi Digby
I'm not sure if you remember me, my name is Bella Morgan, I met you once when you were in Auckland, I remember that day it was pouring with rain. When I first met you it was like an arrow pierced my heart, the stars collided, bacon rained from the sky...
My point is, I I havent stoped thinking about you since that day.. I don't know if you noticed me, I am fawn/black, cuddly, I have huge glassy googly eyes which my Mummy tells me make me so beautiful! I haven't told anyone about how I feel until now.. Digby I think I love you.
I know I am older than you and a different breed and I have had an operation so cannot offer you little Digbys..but I can offer you my love. I know as you are very famous that you have many girls and boys interested in you, you can't help being so hot! Please Digby if you cannot return that love I will understand, I will be gutted and most likely not eat my dinner and not play with my hamburger squeaky toy for a whole 5 mintues but I hope and pray I can be your girl.
Love and bacon kisses
Bella Ursula Morgan (BUM)
PS I have sent you a picture of me in my 'going to the Races' hat, I know you like dress up.

Dear Bella

Of course I remember you - a beautiful face like yours never leaves my mind with much haste but alas, I have come to realise that not all beautiful faces can progress past being friends. Attraction is a natural thing, especially when you factor in my wonky eye and my tendency to bark at Dads (Especially if they have beards/wear a hat). I hear that girls like a guy who's not scared to stand up for himself and rebel just a little bit and scars are cool. Have you seen the scar under my eye from that time I took on a much bigger dog? Probably not, because I have a lot of hair, but it's there...

Anyway, I'm getting off track. It's not fair to lead you on like this and flirt with you, as much as I really love your bulbous eyes and that snorting breathing that you do - especially when you get excited.

Age is no barrier, dearest Bella... But Dora. Well, she is. You see, Dora and I are... Well, I'm not sure what we are seeing as she doesn't return my pee mails and runs away when I approach her. But we're patching things up, rekindling our diminished love, and hopefully getting back on track. I tried to sniff her butt the other day and she lifted her leg for me. Maybe she's just been playing hard to get but oh, I can't resist her and that gorgeously smushed in face of hers.

Unrequited love is probably the most wasted feeling I can imagine. Well, that and feeling full after eating not nearly enough delicious bacon - why can't we just eat and love to our heart's content? But you need to move on, Bella, because it is what it is. Find a man who can give you all of the attention and love you deserve. A man who can sniff your butt on those cold winter evenings and frolic on the beach with you through the warmer summer months.

Besides, I'm terrible at long distance relationships. I couldn't possibly pee on you mum and dad's letterbox from all the way over here.

Let's be friends?


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